Catwoman (2004)


Director:

Pitof

Starring:

Sharon Stone, Benjamin Bratt, Halle Berry?

Synopsis:

Woman turns into crimefighting cat/woman hybrid

Review:

I am contemplating changing the flat synopsis I use on these reviews, and replacing it with alternative taglines. For this it could have been.
  • I am Catwoman, hear me bore.
  • Woman wins Oscar, never needs to try to act again.
  • Halle Berry upstaged by CGI cat.
  • A Pitof-ul spin-off of Batman Returns

    It would appear that Halle Berry, having won her Oscar, has now decided that acting is too much effort, and projects like Catwoman are much better. Turn up, utter a few cliched lines, let some bloke in pvc outfit do all the hard work. Profit.

    This film might not have looked so bad were it not for some of the scenes being so reminiscent of the scenes in Batman Returns where Michelle Pfeiffer was

  • a) at least vaguely like a cat
  • b) genuinely seductive
  • c) trying

    The plot is of the worst kind. A large sequence of inexplicably unlikely events happen just to try and drive it along, the main characters turn up everywhere (poor Benjamin Bratt must be the most overworked policeman ever, seeing as he is the lead investigator on every crime in the city), and there is not even the slightest element of suspense. This film seems only to showcase more unconvincing physics in CGI characters (that jerky movement that was typified by the horrendous Hulk), derivative plotlines, lame cliches and frankly dire action sequences. There are few extended sequences, so it is all hashed together edits of Halle Berry pouting, CGI and some bloke, with cuts happening so quickly you can barely tell what's going on. It's interesting that the film looks so bland considering the director, Pitof, was a visual effects man on the awesome-looking City of Lost Children and Delicatessen.
    The only person to come out of it with any credit is Sharon Stone, who holds a monopoly on the couple of decent lines in the film, particularly the bitterly delivered line about women over 40 being ignored.

    Watching this I have actually been moved to increase my rating of Hellboy (which I watched a couple of days ago), which although much worse than Tim Burton's Batman, at least had some entertainment value. This is just pure Hollywood lazy tat at its worst. As the final list for this review we'll have Things You Can Learn About Cats From Catwoman:

  • Cats are good at basketball
  • Cats can dye their hair instantaneously
  • Cats are not at all discerning in who they choose to bring back to life

    Rating: 3 / 10